1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
