what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
