she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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