OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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