it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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