yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
