My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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