wat bout pragnant strippers??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
