ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
