Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
