he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize