I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
