I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
