I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize