I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
