oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
