I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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