he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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