i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
