I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
