shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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