So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
