I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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