He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
