I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
