yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
