Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
