i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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