Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
