he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
