covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
