Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
