Im at strip club and am horny
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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