you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
