Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
