I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
