...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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