we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize