He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
