I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
