someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
