Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
