I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
