I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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