The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
should my penis look like a turkey
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
