Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
