walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
