I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
