Dual....:-)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
