Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
