Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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