I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
