i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
