i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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