Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
