Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We have started to decorate penises.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
