Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
