fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Bring me that man meat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
