It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm always down for nudity.
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