White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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