Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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