The maid of honor just puked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
