Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
