sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
