dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
