Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
