i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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