Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize