don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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