Umm I'm too high to move.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hippo gnu deer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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