I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
