I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
