FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
