nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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