the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
