the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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