yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
