"it" just moved
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
