youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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