I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
