ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize