She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
