Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
