dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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