you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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