last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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