you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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