i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
