we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
