Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
