So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
