listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
