I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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