I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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